In Loving Memory: Friend of The Fellowship, Bentley “Ben” Patey

In Loving Memory: Friend of The Fellowship, Bentley “Ben” Patey

In the fall of 2019 I believe, a new friend of the Fellowship joined our Zoom meeting. He wore a warm smile, kind eyes, and a distinguished Canadian accent. He was quiet at first and emotional in a stoic way. Soon he became a friend to all. He embraced vulnerability and his courage to share his burden of forty years inspired us all. He dove in to connect to what he had buried for so long. He shared his wisdom, cracked a joke through tears, always willing to show us the beautiful countryside of Canada blanketed in snow.

Ben began attending our regular group meetings, then our expressive writing, he signed up to be a peer mentor and soon stepped into leadership in both those roles. He was a cornerstone and faithful fellow. His presence will truly be missed but I know he wants us all to see where we can take up the torch and share in this mission.

In a statement by his son Shane, “The Fellowship was so important to my Dad and made him shine even brighter. Connecting with folks with similar experiences was a game-changer for him. And our relationship grew exponentially the years he was engaged.”

On Monday, February 24th I went to a home supply store for a fence picket. I navigated the garden section, twisting and turning through the new inventory. When I came into the clearing there was a fresh pallet of beautiful purple hyacinth flowers. Stacks of them and their fragrance caught my attention before I realized the significance of this find. I became the owner of my first hyacinth flower. Little did I know that around the time of my purchase, it was nearly the exact time of our friend Ben’s passing. Here is the significance of this story. The fence pickets had recently been moved across the store. Where I entered the building was different than how I made my way back to pay, I was sent through a literal maze of pallets of inventory but had I not, I would not have found the flowers. These majestic deep purple flowers have become a symbol of friendship. This was my first time seeing hyacinths in person and I am so grateful to know this flower is now dedicated to the memory of Ben. It makes it all the more special. I am reminded to leave better than I enter. I see this in the wisdom from our friend Ben. He made the Fellowship better and helped it grow. He will be dearly missed for his soul and service.

In Memory of Ben

From the land of maple leaves and snow,

A tender heart and warm smile aglow.

With a thick accent and Canadian pride,

With the Fellowship members, he stood beside

He volunteered and listened so kind,

A peer to many, wisdom shined.

He encouraged many to expressly write,

To take the dark heavy feelings and bring to light

Dear Ben, your legacy will continue to grow

Among the hyacinths from the seeds you sow

We’ll miss you Ben and your gentle grace

We’ll continue, “Eh?” carrying on in your place.